No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 30, 2010

It's been a hard week to look like an asshole after the guys from Goldman testified on Tuesday, But Steve Jobs has managed just that. Two separate PR missteps have left the visionary CEO looking...well...human, and a not so friendly one at that. Begin with his war against the geek blog gizmodo, complete with search warrants and confiscated computers, and end with an angry tirade over the Flash video standard offered by adobe which iPhones do not support.

Here's Jobs' mistake. Apple has carefully weaved an image of itself as the anti-corporation. a statement brand. Despite a market cap of one quarter of a trillion dollars and at times ruthless desire to keep its products close ended, the company maintains a friendly image. From stores packed with a hip young staff. To iconic advertisement campaigns. All the way down to its friendly, bubbly Apple logo.

And the smiling wizard sits atop this company periodically announcing his next unthinkably visionary product. Casting a spell over the hearts and minds of his followers. Making the marriage of humankind and Computer technology a harmonious one.

By getting down and rolling around in the dirt, Jobs threatens this image. He cheapens himself and the indomitable aura of his company. He gets in between adobe, who many apple users also admire, and the techie blog community who both ogle and help create a great deal of buzz for Apple, and he does this in a hostile way. There is no way to win this battle without seeming ruthless, corporate, and power hungry.

Job's take on the flash standard looks frighteningly similar to MSFT CEO Steve Ballmer's famous (complain when you've been outdone strategy). While flash video does have it's short comings, it is the web standard, and the Ballmer strategy looks far too desperate for the grand wizard.

Not that they were unavoidable for the company but the events following the iPhone leek make job's look like a vindictive wizard. more of a dictator then a prophet.

Like it or not, image counts for just about everything. As apple surely knows, a happy wizard, is a happy company, is a happy customer. Jobs would be wise not to fall into these types of mojo traps in the future.

trade: Long classic rock Short all this new @#$%^

"Stolen" I-Phone is Karma.

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 29, 2010

By now, it is common knowledge that Apple had one of its unreleased iPhone HD models picked up at a bar and sold to the website Gizmodo. The fellows at G-Town promptly (and with poor judgement regarding the legal ramifications) broke an exclusive about the new phone.

It's now a week after the story surfaced and we have seen house raids, computer confiscations, and a very angry Apple demand the phone be returned. Apple even released the name of the original iPhone bandit to the media!

What I find ironic is that iPhones are left in bars ALL THE TIME. in fact iPhones get left, lost, and stolen quite a bit. And as anybody who has gone through this ordeal will tell you. Apple is the last place to turn for help. The company apparently sees very little incentive to help customers in this situation recover their phones. Just a few seconds googling the words "lost my iPhone" will yield thousands of results from angry customers regarding apples unwillingness to provide any help or assistance. The phones have serial number identification, GPS, and other individual identification features that If apple so chose to, could use to help locate your missing phone.

When an iPhone is lost, people who recover it can potentially listen to your voice messages, browse your emails, view your web history, and gain access to a multitude of other personal data that most of us would dread a stranger seeing. This results in a feeling of violation not all that dissimilar to what Apple must have felt when they saw images and information about their new iPhones all over the Internet.

In my mind this is a great example of karma. The big guys get a taste of what thousands of brushed off customers have gone through.

CHEERS!

To Use An Analogy....

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 28, 2010

When I was 14 I got my first summer job. I worked as a stock boy in the produce section of a local grocery store. I spent my summer days stocking fruit and vegetables in order to save up for a brand new guitar.

The recent inquiry into Goldman Sach and weather or not they had attempted to defraud investor got me thinking about something that was common practice at my summer job.

I was often asked to take down the cartons of berries and sort out the old/moldy ones, keep the ones that still looked fresh, and marry them with brand new cartons of berries. These cartons were then placed on top of the other fresher ones so that they would sell first. So when customers came in and bought "fresh berries" what they were really getting was some fresh berries and some older berries that hadn't gone bad yet but most assuredly would. Which is why they were marketed as fresh and displayed to sell.

This is what a market does. it creates efficient ways to reduce the risk of loss while seeking to squeeze as much profit as it can out of its products. The berries were arguably all fresh on the date of sale. Once you owned them what you did with them was your business.

This is what Goldman and a host of other Wall St firms did. Much like the sorting and mixing of the berries that were older and guaranteed to go bad, these firms packaged their weaker assets with healthier ones and aggressively sold them before they soured.

While most customers would simply purchase the cartons on top (the dumb money). There were customers (the smart money) who would examine the berries, check to see if the carton had been tampered or mixed. They knew what berries were in season, which were coming into season, and which were going out. They would ask the staff questions. Some even knew what days fresh deliveries would arrive at the store.

These customers never left with the short end of the stick. They evolved as customers to meet the efficiency of the market they shopped in and made the market a better place because of it. Not to mention profited from the taste of the freshest berries.

1. Stop !@#$%& crying and actually learn what a market IS.

2. Stop !@#$%& crying and actually learn how a market WORKS.

3. The next time Goldman Sach is on the phone selling you something don't be flattered... Be scared.

LONG DAY...

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 27, 2010Image Courtesy of Eddie Animal

Another tough day for GS as embattled CEO "Pretty Boy" Lloyd Blankfein faced a tough grilling from members of Congress about his firm's handling of the U.S. housing crisis. Although the consensus was Blankfein performed better than his underlings, he still didn't escape unscathed.

Here's the CBS News Report.

WEASELS...

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 27, 2010

Photo Courtesy Yahoo

Lulz...Who do the American people think the job of regulation and oversight belongs to? Goldman Sachs? What does the public think people on Wall St. do for a living?

This is political theater, a mere kangaroo court set up to blind Americans from the real failure. A failure of leadership in Government in the form of bad oversight and worse regulation. These !@#$%ers sat back and allowed this to happen, now they scapegoat anyone they can in a thinly veiled attempt to save their own asses. And the media/public eats it up.

Face it, Goldman won. It's what Goldman does. Americans lose (again) as their tax dollars pay for these politicians to grandstand. To invent their post-crisis role as the finger waggers essentially feeding the outrage while cloaking their own failure.

A Disgrace.

HELLS YES!!!

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 26, 2010

Amanda Drury, the sexy CNBC Asia correspondent, is set to join the U.S. team permanently to take over as "The Call" hostess while current star Melissa Francis goes on maternity leave. I'm sure King Kudlow is pumped about this news as he would have been one babe down on "The Call" and that's just not how the Kudlow rolls.

A DECADE IN THE MUD.

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 26, 2010

Steven Anthony Ballmer...

Its been a hell of a decade for MSFT investors. And I do mean HELL! Just a few gold nuggets...

Allowing Google to monopolize the internet.

Allowing Apple to monopolize everything else.

Failure to anticipate or profit from the onset of any new trends in technology.

The Zune.

Attempting to buy Yahoo for 33 dollars a share. (10 months later it was trading as low as $8.94 a share) Savvy.

This

Windows Vista

Windows ME

...Windows

Sitting on top of a mountain of Cash doesn't make you look smart when your stock does nothing for 10 years.

MS Dewey

...I know, I know, I left so much out but you get the drift

TRADE: "Stocks tend to move in a channel. Buy low, sell high, the same stock, again and again. Channelingstocks.com "

LOCKED AND LOADED

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 26, 2010

Image courtesy: Arstechnica.com

Another interesting article on Arstechnica.com. This piece does an excellent job of illustrating just how outmatched the S.E.C really is. Because lets face it, the real brains are going to crave the freedom and profit potential of the private sector, not pseudo-public relations work on a government salary.

ARTICLE HERE

I'm Applying For A Job At The S.E.C

Posted by Colin Doyle, Aprill 26, 2010

1. You don't have to actually produce any results, just get in the news often enough to prove your agency exists. Oh, and can get pretty darn mad about illegal stuff.

2. You can watch porn.

3. I guarantee you will be smarter then your boss and co-workers.

ARTICLE HERE

DOESN'T GET MUCH DRYER...

Posted by Colin Doyle, Aprill 26, 2010

I love Bloomberg...

Screenshot courtesy of Bloomberg.com

This one is obvious but sometimes the humor is so dry and well placed I have to blink several times and re-read.

Gizmodo Has New iPhone 4G

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 22, 2010

UPDATE!!!

From Yahoo:

By JESSICA MINTZ, AP Technology Writer – Mon Apr 26, 5:46 pm ET

"SEATTLE – Authorities seized computers, digital cameras, a cell phone and other items from a technology blog editor who posted pictures and details of a lost iPhone prototype. A computer-crime task force made up of multiple law enforcement agencies searched Gizmodo editor and blogger Jason Chen's house and car in Fremont, Calif., on Friday, according to a statement and search warrant documents provided by Gizmodo."

FALL OF THE HOUSE OF BLANKFEIN?

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 16, 2010

Photo Courtesy of Reuters

FRAUD!!!!!!

Out on the wires:

"The SEC alleged that Goldman structured and marketed a synthetic collateralized debt obligation that hinged on the performance of subprime residential mortgage-backed securities, and which cost investors more than $1 billion.

It alleged that Goldman did not tell investors "vital information" about the CDO, called ABACUS. This included that a major hedge fund, Paulson & Co, was involved in choosing which securities would be part of the portfolio, and had taken a short position against the CDO in a bet its value would fall."

The Old Switcharoo Game Gets Nixed. Kinda.

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 14, 2010

If you wind up overdrawing your bank account it's your own fault. You can't blame anyone or anything beside yourself for not keeping track of your own account balance.

...or can you?

I have on several occasions had the misfortune of overdrawing my own account and frequently baffled as to why this might be, I looked into it a bit. Turns out Bank of America has a method to the "pending" madness that you see when you're logged into your online banking account. What the bank does is shuffle the larger transactions underneath the smaller ones. This, the bank claims, is done so that larger or "more important" transactions have a "better chance to clear".

...What the bank is really doing

Most people keep track of their immediate spending in their own heads, picturing it in chronological order. ATM withdrawls, debit card purchases, checks, etc. However, Bank of America shuffles your transactions around. Lets say you wrote a large check, and had made a series of small debit card purchases before the receipiant deposited your check. Instead of the check being returned (if you can't cover it,) it is shuffled back before the debit card transactions. Now each of those small transactions will result in a $35 overdraft fee. These really add up for the bank and have brought in almost 2 billion annually. Since you have no ability to see when your check might clear or where in your history of transactions it is going to pop up, lets just say you can count on it popping up in just the right spot to drag you negative and force all your minor transactions to result in separate fee's. Picture laughing capitalists smoking cigars made out of hundred dollar bills.

The days of switcharoo are coming to an end as banks are facing new regulations that limit their ability to rape their own customers. How unamerican. I know. But I wouldn't hold your breath for any real justice. These are the banks that brought us mortgage securitization and subsequently the end of the world. These new rules will only be a mere annoyance to them. Picture arch vilian waving fist and vowing to return.

More details HERE

KRUGMAN VS. SORKIN!!!

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 14, 2010

The ongoing smackdown between NY Times stars Andrew Ross Sorkin and Paul Krugman continues. Today Sorkin hit back at The Krug with a slightly snarky letter on the NYT website.

Here's a piece:

"I appreciate that you may have articulated the details of your views differently, or more specifically, in other columns and forums. And I appreciate that you could quibble with my words. But I do think it is clear that both you and Mr. Roubini had pressed for a Swedish-style nationalization. (By the way, at the time, I had thought the Swedish model was a pretty interesting approach, too.)"

Your move Krug!!!!!

DOW GOES TO ELEVEN!

Eleven thousand that is! The market has defied the collected wisdom of just about every pundit. It was not but a year ago the notion of a V shaped recovery would have been laughable to most people. Yet here we are roughly 11 months from the march lows of 2009, and much like Nigel seen above with his flying V, the markets flying V (shaped recovery) has gone to 11 (thousand) on the dow for the first time since September of 2008. I plan to celebrate this moment by blasting Stonehenge and going short at 11,110.00.

Trade is: Long Your own research. Short The market.

THE MAGNETAR TRADE

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 10, 2010

Great Article on ProPublica about the super secretive trade placed by Chicago based hedge fund Magnetar.  Authors Jesse Eisinger and Jake Bernstein go into exhaustive detail on this dual (duplicitous) strategy winner that brought big time returns to the Magnetar Fund.

From the article:

"Records it shared with investors show Magnetar had a spectacular 2007. Founder Alec Litowitz pulled down $280 million, according to Alpha Magazine. That spring, a trade journal awarded Prusko and Snyderman "Investor of the Year" honors. The Magnetar Constellation Fund, the firm's fund that had the most exposure to the CDO trades, was up 76% in 2007."

How did a fund that was knee deep in toxic CDO's at the height of the housing bubble pull this off? READ HERE. 

This !@#$$%% GUY

I call bullshit...

Robert Rubin held a de facto "advisory" post at Citi in return for a multi-million dollar salary ($115 milllion over ten years). Rubin was a of jerk of all trades for the company: consultant, political conduit, chick magnet, etc. Basically Rubes was a p.r. hire by Citi to curry Wall Street's favor. But most of all Rubin was just an arrogant prick.

I skipped the testimony yesterday because...

A. The Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission. (give me a f*cking break)

B. The Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission. (give me a f*cking break)

Rubin is that friend you hang out with and when a fight breaks out old Rubes doesn't step in to back you up. Decisively loyal only to himself, he is convinced there was no justification for his presence at yesterdays hearing. As a ghost employee, Rubin enjoys a certain immunity from direct responsibility. It's as though he was Rubin Corp hired by Citi to consult, but in no way has to take the heat for any blow-up because he wasn't management. For the money they paid him.... brilliant. Still, I can't help but despise his arrogance. Even if you aren't management, if the company you consult for goes out of business you (should) lose too. No matter what you tell yourself.

Crazed Ex-Hedge Fund Manager Seen Eating From Dumpster!!

Posted By Sean Doyle, April 8, 2010

Image Courtesy of GAWKER

Well, not exactly.  Apparently Jim Cramer was captured e-mailing his resume to Rupert Murdoch and the Fox Business Channel. This after Michelle Caruso-Cabrera rebuffed his advances for the umpteenth time.

The iPad Cometh!

Posted by Sean Doyle, April 1, 2010

Graphic courtesy of Gizmodo

With Apple's stock up a modest 200% in the last year, the question is...Is now the time to commit more capital to the king of tech-land or should you take the money and run?

The Bull Case here: Apple $500

The Bear Case here: Apple $150

60 Minutes (Of Nonsense)

Posted by Colin Doyle, April 1, 2010

Recently, I recalled watching this 60 minutes piece from back in 2008. In the segment, Lesley Stahl does an awful job interviewing Ken Lewis about Bank of America. What stood out to me about the piece was how Lewis was painted as a sweet small time banker from Charlotte N.C. According to Stahl, Lewis had "beaten" Wall St. by avoiding the kind of insane risk and greed that had brought down the big players from NY.  Stahl even highlights BofA's acquisitions of Countrywide and Merrill Lynch. Apparently Lewis had used the same savvy business acumen that helped steer him clear of the sub-prime lending business to purchase these companies ..... who ..... were ...... both ...... worthless .... because of their EXPOSURE TO SUB-PRIME! A real Captain Of Industry!

The only thing stretched tighter then the bullshit in this interview are the faces of Ken Lewis and Lesley Stahl. If memory serves correctly BofA stock went from about the mid twenties to the mid two's in the 6 months following her interview with lewis.

Trade is: Long Plastic Surgery. Short 60 Minutes.